I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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