Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
