My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
