legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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