dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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