So drunk its hurt
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
