Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
