I want to have your abortion
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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