I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
