i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
