I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
