Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
barbara walters just said penis...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
