ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Porn is love you can see.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
