just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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