I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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