when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
