In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
