i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
