Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
