Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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