just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
