i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
