I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
