mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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