I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
