A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
