Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My balls are so social today.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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