Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
