I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
