i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
