we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
