If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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