If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
