i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
