2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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