You're my little dorito
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
