my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
