im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
