I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
