fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
