My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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