Porn is love you can see.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
