Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
