My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
