M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
