things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
