I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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