ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can text with my tongue
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
