I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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