I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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