We're like a lot better than the average bears
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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