i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
