I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
