I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
