this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
