I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
